Hi friends!
This week I have been struggling a bit, mainly with the feeling of not being enough. I got the news that I did not get into one of the schools I really wanted to get into, and the feeling of rejection was a hard pill to swallow.
I grew up with a single mom who had to take care of two kids by herself and so I always tried to be perfect as to not cause her more stress than she already had. This perfectionism is something I still struggle with today and so when something doesn’t go to plan, I feel like I am failing and that I am not good enough.
I don’t believe in God, but that’s not to say I have any issues with people who do or think you should not be able to believe in whatever you want and makes you feel good. But I do believe in the universe, and that there is some force out there, watching over us, guiding us through our intuition and supporting us.
However, when things feel like they’re not going how you had imagined, and you feel like you keep failing, it’s hard to feel like the universe is on your side. I started doubting the universe, and doubting myself. I start thinking I’m not smart enough, interesting enough, intelligent enough, pretty enough, funny enough, simply not good enough all around.
And when my anxiety kicks in I start overthinking everything, questioning everything and how things could be different if I had made other choices. For example, if I had paid better attention to my body and my health maybe the doctors would have been able to find what was wrong much earlier and I wouldn’t have had to stay home for so long. Maybe then I wouldn’t have had to defer from school for so long and now it would have made my chances of getting into a good school better.
But I talked to my two best friends Kasia and George over in Boston (both of whom I miss terribly now and I can’t wait to get back to them), and they reminded me that if things hadn’t turned out the way they have we never would have met. All of the things that have happened, even the hard parts, have led me here, and I have so many good things in my life too that I would not trade for the world.
Having a gratefulness practice in my daily life helps to see the good in life, even in hard times. To see the positive even when you have doubts.
And the fact is that I am very young still. I have so much life left to live and so many things waiting for me that I can’t even imagine yet. And thinking of and imagining all these things that have yet to happen, it gives me hope.
Trying to keep these things in my mind helps me when I doubt my success, doubt myself. Talking to my friends, who know me and always know the right thing to say to lift my spirits, trying to rely on the fact that things usually happen for a reason, that the universe has a plan for me, and believing that what is meant for me will not pass me by. And that I am capable of handling anything life throws at me and that I am enough.
I hope this can help someone who is in a similar situation, also feeling like they are not enough. I am here to tell you that you are, you are worthy and always enough.
Please leave a comment if this resonated with you, and if you have any other tips for how you handle these feelings if you’ve ever experienced them.
Until next time!
