Hi friends!
Oh my, it’s been a while. I haven’t written anything in a few months but today is World Mental Health Day so I thought it would be the perfect day to get back into writing about how I’ve been doing the last few months.
These past few months have been a whirlwind of packing up my entire life, yet again moving to another country, transferring to a new school, and moving into a new apartment. All the while I was struggling with my mental health and feeling so incredibly overwhelmed. I felt like my motivation and focus was dwindling at a time when I desperately needed to be able to keep track of all the different details of my move and new school etc.
I thought about going back to therapy but felt like I didn’t have the time or the money, and what was the point of starting it back up when I was moving soon anyways.
But I was feeling so lost, confused, and sad a lot of the times. Everyone around me was telling me how excited they were for me that I was going back to America and how excited I must be, and I kept saying that I was, but on the inside I was not feeling excited, more like panicked. And the fact that everyone else was so excited and I wasn’t just made me feel worse.
But I felt trapped. I did not want to stay in Varberg or Sweden, but I also felt like I did not want to go back to America. I had wanted it for so long but when I was feeling so low I just did not feel the excitement or happiness I wanted to feel, or thought I was supposed to feel, when finally getting what I had wanted for an entire year. And while I was feeling like this, I had to just keep packing, signing papers for school and frantically looking for apartments. I felt like I was spinning out of control but trying so hard to keep going. And I had already paid my deposit for school and felt like I had no other choice but to continue on the path I was on.
While I have had help and support from incredible family members and friends I did have to travel to Boston by myself (well, I did have my love, my Happy, with me, and while she gives incredible emotional support she can’t really help with apartment searches or making phone calls etc) and do all of the practical things by myself, which was hard when I felt like I was about to fall apart.
I was hoping the stress would lessen when I found my apartment, but the process of moving in was hellish and so complicated. I kept thinking “why is everything so hard for me all the time?” I just wanted something to go smoothly, just once. I was getting frustrated with the universe, wondering why it was working against me. And I didn’t want to feel this way, which led me to become frustrated with myself as well. I did not like being in this victim mentality, but it was hard to see it any other way when it felt like everything was going wrong.
I was also thinking that maybe once I started going to school again and getting into a routine, this would help. But that was not the case either. I was just feeling more anxious, almost getting panic attacks every morning as I was getting ready to head out the door and leave for school.
Eventually I felt like I could not take it anymore and I remembered having the thought about going back to therapy and decided that this was what I needed. So, I talked to my mom about it, trying to figure out how I was going to go about this as therapy in America is so freaking expensive. And my mom told me about a Swedish app that she had heard about where you can do online therapy, and as a Swedish citizen I am still entitled to the medical benefits even if I am currently not in Sweden, which means I get to go to therapy for a very small sum for each appointment. I am very fortunate that this opportunity exists for me and that I am able to get help when I need it.
It is amazing what therapy can do for you. I have always been a big supporter of therapy and tell everyone who will listen that if you have the opportunity to go, you should. And you don’t have to have “major issues”, therapy is beneficial for even the most common, everyday problems.
I also realized that I have previously had problems with low serotonin and gaba, and I was now recognizing a lot of the symptoms I was experiencing back then so I decided to start taking gaba and 5-htp (an amino acid that your body then uses to produce serotonin) every day to try to combat my low mood. I have now been taking these supplements for about 3 weeks and I do feel an improvement in my overall mental state. However, I am only taking them as I have previously been diagnosed with low levels of both of these substances by a medical professional.
I am a firm believer in looking at all sides of a problem, tackling the physical issues as well as the mental ones. Taking supplements that I know are safe for me as they have previously been prescribed to me, as well as talking to a professional who is helping me with concrete steps and work that is helping me confront my general anxiety as well as my social anxiety, as my low mood probably is a symptom of overwhelming anxiety.
Now that I have been doing the work for a few weeks I feel better, not 100%, not even close, but much better than I was just a little while ago. I have found enjoyment in things I like doing again and can be happy finding new hobbies. I am coming back to my trust in the universe again, I’ve started manifesting again and seeing the results of my trust coming to fruition. I am taking control of my own wellbeing and that also makes me feel better.
I am still finding it hard to focus on my schoolwork because of my anxiety but knowing that I am doing the mental work and hopefully it will get better soon, that makes it easier to get through the hard days. Also, having amazing friends I can talk openly with and a mom that I can always rely on and who listens to me every time I need to vent, that’s invaluable.
I am excited to get back into writing and keeping you all updated on my adventures now that I am back in Boston!
Until next time!
3 Responses
May I simply say what a relief to discover an individual who actually understands what theyre discussing online. You actually realize how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people should check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised you arent more popular since you definitely have the gift.
I really enjoy the post.Thanks Again. Fantastic.
I like the valuable information you supply to your articles. I’ll bookmark your weblog and check again here frequently. I’m slightly sure I’ll learn many new stuff proper here! Best of luck for the next!