Hi friends!
This week I thought I would talk about something that I think a lot of people struggle with, especially now that a lot of places are coming out of lockdown and people are starting to socialize more.
I think most of us are familiar with the term FOMO, the fear of missing out. This is something that I believe almost everyone has experienced at one point or another. Especially with the expansiveness of social media and the way we are always connected and able to see what everyone else is doing 24/7.
Right now that I am home in Sweden I have been experiencing some FOMO. This is because I don’t have that many friends that are still living at home in Varberg, and over the years since I moved away from here I have developed new friendships with people who live in different parts of the world, but that I can’t hang out with in person right now. But, while I sometimes feel like I am missing out, mainly when I am on social media and seeing all the fun things people are experiencing and doing, especially now during the summer, I also get anxiety whenever I am actually invited to something. And this phenomenon is called FOBI, the fear of being invited.
It’s complicated, because when I am invited to do something, especially with people I don’t know, there is an instant struggle in my mind. I get excited to get out and do something fun, but then the anxiety starts creeping in, telling me I don’t want to, that it won’t be fun, and that I can’t socialize with all those people, that they are going to judge me or that I won’t be sociable enough. I am a social person, I like being around people, but then the anxiety is what stops me and makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.
These two phenomena, FOMO and FOBI, are quite literally the opposite of one another, yet they can exist within my mind at the same time, which I find interesting. How one part of you can be really excited while another part is screaming “no, don’t do it”.
What I try to do when I experience this conflict in my mind is to try to discern what I am actually feeling. I mean I am definitely an introvert and sometimes I really truly just don’t feel like going out and I just want to stay at home and have a pamper night or watch a movie, especially if I have been at work all day or if I have been doing a lot recently, then I might just need to chill and decompress. However, it’s important to be able to separate what you are feeling from what your anxiety is telling you. If my first instinct is that I am happy and excited but then the closer I get to the date and time for whatever I have been invited to and I start questioning whether I should go and start thinking about excuses to get out of it, then I have to really look at my feelings and realize why I don’t want to go. Is it because I really truly don’t want to, or is it just because I am starting to feel anxious and that’s the voice that is taking over in my head?
Journaling is something that can really help with this, writing your feelings out and working through what is going on in your mind, it can help show you where your head is truly at and help separate your true emotions from your anxiety.
And even if you feel like you really do just want some time to yourself, and you decide to stay at home, you might still experience feelings of FOMO, even though being alone is what you wanted. Especially if it’s a Friday or Saturday night and when you open up Instagram everyone is posting stories of all the fun they’re having.
Something I like to do in these situations is to really go all out for myself, almost do a little date night for myself. I make it nice and cozy, light candles, and put on my comfiest pj’s. I get my favorite food and snacks, like some fancy cheese and crackers, something I don’t have every day as to make it special. This way I feel taken care of and don’t think as much about what I might be missing out on by being by myself.
Another thing I do is to stay of social media as much as possible when I am feeling anxious because of the FOMO. Also, taking a real social media break, even just for one day every week, is so helpful in breaking the cycle of feeling like you have to be connected every minute of every day or you’re going to miss out on something. I generally try to take a break every Sunday, when I stay off Instagram especially as that is the social media app that I use the most and that I feel fuels my anxiety the most.
I think in today’s society, with how much a part of our lives social media is, FOMO is something that we probably won’t escape. But there are things that we can do to handle it, like setting boundaries and limits on how and how much we use our devices. For example, I have turned off all of my notifications on my social media apps so that I’m not constantly bombarded and reminded to keep checking on what is going on, how many likes I’m getting etc.
And when it comes to FOBI I think this is something that a lot of people can relate to after the last year and a half as we have become very unused to socializing and being in large groups of people. But what can be helpful is being able to really sort through your feelings and distinguish between what you actually want and what is just your anxiety trying to take control of your thoughts and feelings. And also, not feeling guilty or ashamed if you need time to just be by yourself and take it slow as you get back into social situations again.
Let me know in the comments if you have ever experienced FOMO or FOBI, or maybe even both at the same time like me. And if you have any other tips or tricks on how you handle these feelings.
Until next time!
